Shifting closer to him, I mumbled, “Why couldn’t you see me before?” He frowned slightly. “All these years we’ve known each other but you never saw me.” “That’s because I had my eyes fixed in the wrong direction.” Gently, he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “But I won’t ever take my eyes away from you. I’ve found my north star.”

There’s a lot going on in this book, but the chaos is what makes it so beautiful. Each of our characters has a huge fatal flaw. Ezra is a drug trafficker and money launderer and Christina is bulimic. It’s interesting because I thought Christina’s bulimia was going to be the main focal point of this story, but it ended up being Ezra’s mix up with the cartel. 

Insecurity and body image played a huge role in creating who Christina is as a human. She’s flawed yet beautiful and brilliant. She is scorned and damaged by society’s idea of a “perfect” body. She fears being overweight, yet she can’t help that she finds so much comfort in food. Ezra is the first person to see through her facade. He sees that she is struggling and is throwing up after every meal. He asks her to stop and she is able to comply for a little while. The thing about bulimia though…it’s not something you can easily quit. It usually requires therapy and help and stability. You have to change the way you see yourself, food, and the world. I can’t comment on how difficult that is because I’ve never experienced an eating disorder but here’s a quote from Christina on why she does it:

“Bulimia was the weapon I used for defense, to enhance my chances of survival in a world hell-bent on the thinness of women.”

Although drug trafficking and money laundering also play a huge role in this story, I’d rather focus this last bit on the idea: looking vs. seeing. The first time Ezra and Christina meet, she sees him. The real him. And she is immediately drawn to him, she wants him, she knows that she could love him. But on the flip side, Ezra only looks at Christina for a moment before his focus is solely back on the woman he loved at the time, Melissa. Ezra didn’t really see Christina until he got to know her. He immediately fell for her. When he took the time to see her for who she really was, it was like flipping a switch. It was gorgeous to watch these two come together, to witness Christina comfortable in her own skin around Ezra. To let him really see her. This was a great 5 star read. Wonderful job, Lym!!

“If you could see yourself through my eyes then you’d understand just how beautiful you are.”