“They say the sun loves the moon so much, she dies every night just so he can shine.” As she smiled down at me, a tear rolled off the end of her nose. “You’re my moon.”

This one hit home. Hard. More relatable than anything I’ve read before…making it that much more painful too. I grew up in Austin, my great aunt lives in a house in the Rob Roy Estates (where Miles’ mansion is). I take my dog to Zilker Park on the weekends. I take 290 to get to my parent’s house. All of this is so close to my heart. I also suffer from clinical depression. 

To say that I was blown away by this story is simply a lie. This one changed my life. Miles and Gelsey are two remarkable characters that refused to be forgotten. I’m having a difficult time deciding how to review this book. I want to talk about depression first, but I also want to talk about the explosive emotional journey I just experienced. Our author, Jayne Frost, took us on an exploration of life and love. Real life. Real love. Not the fairytale, happily-ever-afters that we’re used to, but honest, gut-wrenching truth. Life isn’t easy. No one ever said it would be. You have no idea what other people are going through. This story is a perfect example of just that. 

“All great loves are complicated. That’s what makes them great.”

Frost introduces us to our leading man, Miles Cooper, the drummer in a super famous band called The Damaged. He is in love with his childhood best friend, Paige. Paige is also in the band, and to avoid drama, they decide to keep their relationship a secret. Then there is a car accident. Paige dies along with another member of the band, Rhenn, Miles’ best friend. Our story begins six years after the deaths. Death changes you. It’s an interesting concept, incomparable to anything we’ve ever experienced in life. The death of a loved one often leaves lasting effects, and Miles is a great example of that. He lost is father to suicide at a very young age, his mother quickly followed by abandoning him, and then the love of his life and his best friend, die before he has the chance to recover from the previous two. Miles suffers from depression. Not the pretty, socially acceptable version that we see in mainstream media now, the real thing. Miles previously tried to kill himself via overdose shorty after the accident that took Paige and Rhenn from him. He pushes everyone away. It’s not until he meets Gelsey, a ballerina with a slew of issues of her own, that he starts to heal. 

You never truly “heal” from depression, though. You can get through the grief of loss. You can go to therapy and take medicine. You can work out and eat the right things. But it’s always there. Miles calls it his dark clouds, always looming in the back, waiting to come pouring down on him. I call mine my curtain. It hangs above my head, ready to fall and cut me off from the world at any moment. Learning to live with depression is exhausting, every day is a battle. Having the privilege of reading Miles’ story, his journey through the lowest points, and discovering that he can learn to live and love again, was everything I needed and more. 

“We all fall down.”

Readers, please proceed with caution when you dive into this novel. Parts of it are draining and excruciating to swallow. One of the characters that Miles meets along the way, Blake, has a story that broke me. His debilitating depression is so severe, he has scars completely covering his arms from self-harm. I fought through my tears as Miles and Blake bonded over their music and pain. Please keep in mind the trigger warnings before starting this, I had to take copious breathing breaks because I found myself holding my breath so many times.

Gelsey and Miles relationship was delicate and painful. We are constantly reminded of the losses both our lovers experienced in their lives and how they got to where they are now. Contrary to what you might be thinking, that constant reminder is what keeps the narrative alive. They are undeniably in love with each other by the third time they’ve met, but there is always a little something holding them back. When the shoe finally drops, it’s like all the breath is dispelled from your lungs. As the reader, you’re just stuck in their world, waiting for what might happen next.

A moving, arduous exploration through the eyes of mental illness and the effects is leaves on our world. Nothing is impossible, yet everything is probable…isn’t that what they say? I can’t wait to start on the Sixth Street Band Series by Frost, if this book says anything about her talent, she is SUPERB. 5 stars from me for this treasure. I will carry it in my heart forever.

“I loved Paige with all my heart. But what I felt for Gelsey was different. More. She wasn’t just the sun.  She was the whole sky.”